Perfect Girl Friend
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Here we have a video clip of Paul performing, with Sarah MacLelland (pictured above), "Perfect Girlfriend!" at the "Dead Good Poets" night at the Everyman Theatre in Liverpool in January 2007. The poem was co-written with Ruks Badat.
We'll soon have a better definition SWF video and an MP3 version of the same performance of the poem but in the meantime here's a low definition YouTube video
Perfect Girlfriend
She is the perfect girlfriend
From the first moment we met
She said “You’re so funny and interesting
Good looking, sophisticated and suave”
And I had to agree
“I’m so lucky
To have met a man like you”
She almost started crying with joy
And I think I know how she felt - I love me too
She said “Don’t let me interrupt you
I don’t want to be a nag
But I’d like to buy you some Ecstasy, Viagra and Vimto
Then have sex with you
In every imaginable position
And if you feel like a threesome
I’ll get one of my friends to come along”
I said well who am I to object?
She says “I like you to be the boss”
She doesn’t want to spend my money
Doesn’t mind us not going out as a couple
And says “I’ll dress in my pole dancing outfit
And serve drinks to you and your friends”
So I watch football
Eat curry, drink beer and throw up
“Boys will be boys” she smiles
She doesn’t want to have any of my babies
Because she knows “fucking is for fun”
And smelling my fragrant trainers and washing my soiled underpants
Is a real turn on “honestly” she tells me
I asked her if she likes DIY and decorating
“Ooh I just love DIY and decorating” she says thrillingly
“But I get so hot I have to take my clothes off while I do it!
And then I’ll get so horny I’ll want you all over again”
She is the perfect girlfriend
And you can have a perfect girlfriend too
Just pick up your phone and ring
“0800 virtualgirlfriend.com”
Copyright Paul Blackburn 2007 All rights reserved