Invasion of the Gnomes
They used to look so content
Sitting by the garden fence
Content to watch the flowers grow
Or so we thought but now we know
About those Gnomes
I thought it was a passing fad
When people went a little mad
They made pit ponds and called them home
For plastic, plaster potted gnomes
Oh yes – those gnomes
And no one noticed when one year
The gnomes as one all disappeared
Replaced by nothing more than air
No one remarked that they weren’t there
And yet they’d gone
[Absence of Gnomes]
Until one night I heard a scream
I sensed at once what it would mean
Muffled footsteps on the ground
And everywhere that awful sound
The murmur of the gnomes
They’ll walk as one both new and old
Those factory fresh those with green mould
In countless legion they’ll attack
With fishing rods and funny hats
Invasion of the gnomes
Oh can’t you hear their little feet
As they march up and down your street
They do it almost every night
They’re making sure they get it right
I’m telling you they’re here
I sometimes lock myself at home
But when I’m sure I’m all alone
Their hands appear out of the walls
They grasp and clutch and tear and claw
And suddenly they’re gone
They whisper things we shouldn’t know
I’ve heard them on the radio
I close my ears to shut them out
But that’s no use for then they shout
To stop them I must scream
They sniff around while you’re in bed
They steal the dreams out of your head
And in their place they put nightmares
Or else they leave a vacuum there
And that is worse
And then they grab at all your hopes
And turn each one into a joke
Until I’ve nothing left to try
And in despair I start to cry
Why wont they leave me be?
So people of the world awake
Our very essence is at stake
We must draw up the barricades
And stop their evil escapades
They’re every sneaky trick
Ah people of the earth unite
And put on coats of purest white
Stand in your gardens night and day
And chant, “Oh gnomes please go away”
And they just might
Or else they will tramp on and on
Until all human kind is gone
Extinct for all eternity
Except that is for yours truly
I’ll beat those gnomes!
Paul Blackburn © 1991 All rights reserved